starlogs | ( closed ) sometimes your best isn't good enough

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( closed ) sometimes your best isn't good enough

WHO: Jim Kirk, Leonard McCoy, Jughead Jones
WHERE: a shuttle, Oros, and back at the Eluvio
WHEN: February 1st-4th
WHAT: Oros rescue mission
WARNINGS: Aside from the given planet destruction and Jim getting injured ~~again~~, I don't expect anything else.

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Oros had hardly seemed like the most welcoming place when they'd been down there earlier, but still, this was... something else.

From behind the shuttle's window, Jim watched as explosions went off all over the surface, larger and larger the closer they got. The only reason it didn't leave Jim frozen with fear was because he'd seen his fair share of horrific scenarios, and had been a lot more helpless in a good number of them.

Not that it made him feel any better this time around, honestly. He still felt pretty helpless, but if he could at least save a few lives, it was more than worth the risk of flying down there.

"Find me a spot to land," he told Bones, sitting next to him. He didn't specify 'safe' because, well... there was no such thing as safe right now. But he figured Bones would know how to pick the best place, and close enough to any group of Trilk and Fek.

Looking over his shoulder briefly, he kept the shuttle steady as they approached the surface. "You doing alright back there?" Jim didn't even know the guy who'd joined them, but he knew not everyone back at the Eluvio had experience with this sort of situation, so it didn't hurt to ask. Couldn't well handle him panicking and doing something really stupid.

Okay, so, as far as missions were concerned, it wasn't the worst outcome. Jim still felt like they hadn't done nearly enough, but considering the whole situation, he was just relieved they'd managed to at least save some lives.

Relieved, but not exactly happy. Even the Trilk and Fek now on board, despite being glad they were alive, had lost the majority of the people they knew, not to mention their home, their own planet, everything they'd ever known, and found themselves now relying on the strangers who had after all enabled the very destruction of their world.

So no, he wasn't happy. And he knew he should feel good about having helped, but it just didn't feel like it was good enough.

In the face of all that, a minor cut across his forehead and a few bruises were hardly something that bothered him much. Bones seemed to be fussing over the whole thing a lot more than he was, especially considering it had been the very same young Trilk who had attacked him during their earlier mission that had lashed out now. Jim didn't regret saving its life, though, not even one bit.

"Told you, Bones, I'm fine," he grumbled as Bones led him towards the Eluvio's sickbay, since it was closest than going back to the Enterprise. Despite his claim, he winced a little at a faint ache near the edge of his ribs, and the constant throbbing in his head thanks to the gash and the concussion.

Upon return, he didn’t expect the catastrophic chain of events that followed. Hell, he thought they’d be done with the planet and be on their merry way. Too bad that wasn’t the case. When they set up evacuation shuttles for the inhabitants of Oros, he didn’t even have to think about what he was doing. He knew he was going, because Jim being who he was would go. And damn it, if he knew he’d follow the blonde down to an exploding planet.

On the descent to the planet, his mind was already calculating radiation exposure and fighting back the thoughts of the last time Jim was irradiated and died on him. But he said nothing. His brow simply furrowed and his lips pressed into a tight line of concentration. Without thinking about it, he started to go over the control panels and geographical map to find a location to land on command. He hated flying, but he knew how it all worked. He took the damn classes to be an officer and because that made him more useful.

And right now he just wanted to save those creatures that didn’t deserve this shit because the Eluvio had to go and meddle in their lives. “Setting up the coordinates. Not gonna have a long window before the area becomes saturated with radiation. Better move fast.” He turned his head a little, avoiding looking at Jim when all he could think about was the guy dying before and simply looked at their companion quickly. “Keep an eye on your own radiation exposure as well.”

The entire scenario pissed him off. From the fact they destroyed an entire planet’s ecosystem to the fact Jim had to go and get hurt. Again. Even if the injuries weren’t life threatening, he hated it. And to add on to that issue, they had to use the main medical bay because of proximity and not being able to wait to get to the Enterprise with things he knew and not have to glare down every medical officer that got near Jim.

The reasonings were likely thin, but he knew Jim. Knew his allergies, knew his idiotic attempts to play everything off, and he knew himself. The idea of anyone else treating him was unacceptable. So he took tools away from the crew and went to work himself. And where he usually didn’t mind getting into Jim’s space, the push into the personal bubble was purely protective this time as he scowled at anyone that came closer.

After orienting himself to the tools, he cleaned up the open wounds, checked for radiation, then closed it up. He would have to get to his own equipment to fully address the bruises, but for now, he was lightly sliding his fingers into Jim’s hair searching out bumps or points of impact for causing him to have a concussion. His brow furrowed sharply before his eyes locked on Jim’s. “You always say that.”

And he was not buying it this time. Not right now.

Letting out a soft sigh, he relaxed the barest amount before letting his fingertips trail to the back of Jim’s head. “You know, you may be a genius, but keep gettin’ hit in the head like this and you’re bound to lose all those brain cells you’re so damn proud of.” And for the bite in his voice, his hands stayed soft, tender even.

It's not like he did it on purpose, alright. And he did have to help the young Trilk, especially considering how close to panicking it had been. Jim had to do something, even if it meant getting sucker punched in the process, or having his forehead cut open by one of its sharp claws. A bit of danger came with the job, sometimes, and Jim never signed up for less.

Though he winced a little as Bones cleaned the wound, he didn't so much as whine or complain, staying still while Bones took care of him, showing some vague amusement at the way he practically growled at any of the staff that got too close to them. Not that Jim could blame him, honestly, but really, if anyone on this ship wanted to hurt or kill him, they'd had ample opportunity so far.

"Because it's true," he said pointedly, though he felt himself relax more and more the longer Bones's fingers sifted through his hair and looked for bumps and cuts along his scalp. A small exhale even turned into a soft sigh as he closed his eyes. "Oh, shut up," he mumbled, his tone warm and fond despite the words. "Guess we'll find out sooner or later, hm?"

Stilling his hands, they were framing the line of Jim's jaw, the tips pressed softly to the base of his skull as a brow arched at him. "Even little things can be bad, alright?" He glared mildly at Jim as he let out a soft sigh. "I don't know how radiation will affect you now, and I don't have some miracle drug to fix you again if it goes wrong." He pointed it out roughly, but his voice was still soft.

He didn't like talking about it. Didn't like bringing it up either. But he wanted Jim to know why he was a wreck about this situation. Sliding his hands away, he pulled out his own kit and pulled out the pain killer and loaded it up into the hypospray. "I'll regenerate the damage from the contusions later when we get back to the ship."

Curling his hand softly around one side of Jim's neck, he gave him a pointed look. "Scientific proof. Every time you hit your head, you lose brain cells. Better keep that in mind cause that hard head o'yours won't save you every time." And maybe it was cause he was just thankful Jim didn't glow with radiation, but he was damn careful when he pressed the hypo to the other side of Jim's neck opposite the hand that cradled his head.

"Stop that," Jim said abruptly, feeling his words bubble up his throat along with the bitter taste of bile at the memory Bones had brought up. Gaze lifting briefly, he shook his head as he let out a sigh. "Just... stop that. I'm fine. Trust me, I'd know if I'd been affected."

He remembered how it felt. Maybe smaller doses of radiation would've affected him differently, but he'd still notice. Besides, the suit he'd been wearing during the rescue mission came from the Enterprise, and it would've warned him if any lethal dose of radiation had gotten through at any point.

"So you say..." he mumbled, trailing off as he tipped his head to the side, wincing just barely at the sting of the hypospray, even if Bones was especially gentle this time around. His gaze flickered to the doctor as he straightened his head again. "Are you feeling alright?"

Edited 2017-02-07 14:29 (UTC)

His hands went still at the command to stop it. He narrowed his eyes down somewhere bouts Jim’s chest before pulling back just a step. Disassembling the hypo, he carefully put it away into his kit. He didn’t look at the blonde a moment, just simply put his life back in order with each medical tool that went into its place. Finally, he looked back up at Jim and placed his hands on either side of the young captain with a carefully neutral but irritated look.

“Just dandy. Why do you ask?” Even he knew that sounded like a load of bull shit, but he really didn’t care right about now. Instead, he leaned back, letting Jim have space as he collected his kit and tricorder as he prepared to leave. “Anyway, the painkiller is just a small one. Take the edge off. So you shouldn’t get tired or nothin’.”

Talkin’ about care and treatment was easier. It kept him from thinking about the very issue Jim told him to shut up about. So. He did. He turned off any talk of it and stood out of the way. “Till I get those bruises healed, don’t go doing anything strenuous. Need sleep too. I know you’re not gettin’ enough right now.”

There. Bones was pulling that crap again. That thing where he acted like he was just fine, like his issues weren't nearly as important as taking care of everyone else. Jim knew the guy was a doctor above all else, but damn if it didn't frustrate him sometimes, seeing the good doctor bottle everything up like he had no right to lean on other people.

Especially Jim. Made him feel helpless as well as incredibly selfish or insensitive, like he didn't care about Bones enough to care about his problems. But he didn't say anything. Again. He bit back the words and swallowed them down, eyes dropping to the floor as he practically felt Bones pulling away from him.

"Neither are you," he answered softly. His voice dropped to an even lower murmur, gaze not lifting even as he went on to speak again. "Don't leave. Please."

He started to take another step back, but something about the way Jim lowered his eyes made him stop. Breathing in slowly, he let out a low sigh. "Yeah well, guess sleeping conditions have been a little rough on us." He spoke the words equally soft before he stopped at the last request.

His brow furrowed just a little before he dared to reach out and softly slide his hand over Jim elbow before slipping down his forearm lightly. When he spoke this time, he leaned in closer so only Jim could hear him as he let their foreheads touch just barely. "Jim... listen good. I will never leave you. Not willingly."

After a moment, he let his hand coil just a little around Jim's as he let his eyes search out Jim's quietly for a moment. "You're damn near stuck with me. Guess till you tell me to go." Cause he would never force Jim to tolerate him if he really wanted him to go. But that was neither here nor there.

"Only because you insist on taking the couch," Jim hummed with a trace of amusement, even if it was kind of endearing how Bones had taken up the couch in his quarters and had claimed it as his own bed. Still wasn't all that good for his back, nor conductive to a good night's rest.

Not that Jim could talk much, because he had an actual bed and he still slept like crap, but still.

Shoulders eased as Bones's hand slid down his arm, a soft exhale spilling past his lips as he looked up, then closed his eyes again, nodding. His fingers curled into Bones's palm, and he let out a faint chuckle at his last few words, eyebrow raised just barely. "Then I guess I'm stuck with you forever." Because he wasn't going to tell Bones to go, not ever.

Sighing again, he tipped his head in, leaning close and turning it to the side so he could press his cheek to the doctor's chest. His free hand moved up to rest on his upper arm, almost a hug even if not quite.

"Thanks, Bones... Don't know what I'd do without you," though he couldn't say he liked anyone else being stuck here with him, he was relieved that he wasn't alone. "So lucky you're here with me."

"Hell will freeze over before I put you on the couch darlin'." He shook his head in amusement before squeezing his hand. "Tell you what.. been a while since the Academy, but if you think we'll sleep better both piled in bed, I don't mind it."

His brow furrowed slightly at that exhale, his gaze shifting to something curious as Jim seemed to gravitate closer to him. He could tell that something got under his skin and bothering him. Granted, that chuckle made him smile regardless. And well, hearing Jim say that made him smile just that little bit more. "Glad to know you want me around."

Breathing in slowly, he felt Jim's head press to his chest causing his heart to beat just a bit faster unexpectedly. The hand not in Jim's moved to slip into the hair at the back of his neck tenderly. It was a bit more brazen than usual, but he felt like he needed it right now. They both did.

"Dunno, Jim. Look like an over ripe apple that got tossed down the stairs?" Or not be alive at all. That idea was something he didn't want to consider. Sifting his fingers through Jim's hair, he let his chin rest on top of his head. "Won't lie, scared to death I won't see Jo again. But If I had to pick one person in this endless galaxy to be stranded with... no hesitation, it would always be you."

"I was just about to suggest that," he mumbled, eyes lifting and eyebrows raising just so. "My bed's big enough for the both of us. And I swear I'm not a kicker." So Bones wouldn't end up on the floor, at least, so there was that. On the other hand he might wake up with a random arm tossed over his waist or right across his face.

"Course I want you around, Bones. Thought that much was obvious, wasn't it?" Jim might not say it often but he was never one for that kind of sentimental stuff. Not that he was embarrassed to admit it, just that he figured Bones knew the things that really mattered. He knew Jim better than anyone, after all, and it wasn't like with Spock, who took things a little too literally and tended to be emotionally constipated... well, always.

"You and your ridiculous metaphors," he snorted, shaking his head. Better than saying 'dead', at least. He hummed softly at the touches to his hair, tensing slightly and opening his eyes again when Bones mentioned his daughter. "Guess I'm being a little selfish about this, aren't I? Sorry."

"Guess it's settled then. And if I lived through nights of you sleeping off being drunk, I can deal with you sober. I think. Unless there are things I need to know first." He wasn't serious. He gave up his personal space a long time ago in regards to Jim Kirk and he didn't miss it. Jim hovered in his personal bubble like he belonged there and as far as Leonard was concerned, he damn well did.

"Most of the time. But there are times I purposely threaten to maim you or sedate you and I'd think you were more insane if you didn't run. So I'd call it even." But then there we times he wanted to be close and he pulled away for the very reason that he wanted to stay there in Jim's space. Jim didn't need him latching on and making things more complicated. Cause god, his own feelings complicated his own life enough. Best not drag Jim down as well.

Snorting at the metaphor comment, he gently pulled Jim's hair before going back to carding through it softly. "Oh stop it. Don't be an idiot. Makes me damn glad to know you want me here." Even if he missed Jo, knowing Jim wanted him there made him feel like he could actually breathe. "I may not like my ex much, but I know she will take good care of our daughter. And I don't trust a damn soul in this galaxy to take as good of care of you as I do. So stuff it."

"Well, you never know. I might be even worse when sober." He was about as serious as Bones was, which was to say not at all. He'd never gotten any complaints or even vague remarks about being a bad sleeping partner (literal sleeping, for once), so he figured he couldn't be that much of a hindrance.

"Ah! So you do admit you use hyposprays to threaten me, sometimes. I knew it," he chuckled, poking at Bones's side. "You trigger-happy sadist. Bet you love it a little too much."

He leaned away finally when Bones pulled at his hair, letting out a huff as he lifted a hand to smooth the strands back into place. "But I thought being an idiot was part of my charm," he shot back, lifting a shoulder as he smiled a little tiredly at Bones. "Alright. I'm stuffing it. And for what it's worth, you're right. No one could take care of me the way you do."

"I neither confirm nor deny this. In fact, if I did allegedly use my tools of the trade for such malarkey, I would likely only do so in order to inflict a little bit of pain for the suffering you put me through when you go and get yourself hurt. I think you are working for the highest record of injuries in Starfleet in history." He believed Jim tallied them up and possibly even plotted his next injury some days.

So maybe jabbing him with the hypospray once in a while was a bit of sadistic joy. Just a little.

Letting his fingers slide out of Jim's hair, he didn't force him to stay close. But he had to admit he already missed the warmth of Jim's body so close when he leaned away. "Only on days that end in y." He snorted at that, knowing full well he just spoiled the jerk by agreeing in a round about way. But the grousing stopped as he noted just how tired Jim looked.

"Should get you back to the Enterprise so I can finish those bruises. Maybe get some sleep, too. I think we both deserve some sleep." He refused to acknowledge the blush crawling up his neck at that compliment, and managed to keep a steady expression otherwise. "Damn right." At this point he had all of Jim's injuries and allergies memorized. He didn't even usually have to consult his medical records anymore. Only once did he nearly not make it through treating him. And he'd been told not to talk about that.

"Look... I'll never ask you to stop being a hero. It's part of you. Part of that damn charm of yours, too. But can you at least promise me you'll try an' remember to come back alive cause you got someone here that will go damn near insane if you up and disappear on him?"

Jughead didn’t sign up to help on Oros before the whole planet-wide disaster thing started happening. It’s not like it was hard to justify, either. He’s not qualified to lead stealth teams or do botanical research or shoot hostile aliens that aren’t made of pixels! He’s not even qualified to shoot the ones made of pixels, come to think of it. There’s a reason the bulk of his gaming collection is medieval fantasy adventures. But then the rescue thing got announced, asking for crews, and the voice of his stupid great dumb selfless friend started playing on loop in his brain. Save the aliens, Juggie! Make a difference! If you don’t, I’ll know, and I’ll haunt you forever with one million petitions. Where other people have consciences, Jughead has the disembodied essence of Betty Cooper.

So here he is, third wheeling along in a rescue mission with two guys who are at least one hundred thousand percent more competent than he is. And they seem to know each other, which is cool— he’d be kind of bummed that other people apparently showed up on the Eluvio with friends from home, except that their teamwork skills are probably going to keep him from dying horribly. Which he’s doing his absolute best to pretend isn’t at the very front of his mind during the descent to the planet. Jughead has an image, and Jughead plays it cool and detached.

Jughead’s about to say something about how he’s fine, thanks in response to Jim’s question— with an appropriate amount of sarcasm, obviously— when he stops to process the whole radiation thing. It’s the way Bones says it that throws him. Matter-of-fact, helpful, professional as hell. That rattles him a little bit. Just slightly.

“I’ll— I’ll keep an eye out for that radiation, yeah, thanks. That’s not how my origin story goes and I don’t feel like revising it,” he replies, with barely any snark at all. “How fast are we talking? This is my first planet death rodeo, I’m not ashamed to admit it.”

"Don't you get all political on me, Bones, I know when you're giving me crap. I'm so taking your hyposprays away one day, you just watch me." He wouldn't, obviously, and besides the medicine did help a lot of the times —especially the painkillers, when Jim got himself beat up and thrown around—, but he'd never stop teasing the doctor about it.

Jim also really liked that hand on his hair, but then he'd always been a little partial to people sifting their fingers through the strands. It was nice and soothing, and after the last few days, Jim honestly could use that. He'd also spent a whole lot of that time thinking about how they had been the cause for Oros's complete decimation, and it wasn't doing wonders for his mental state. Acting as if things were back to normal, even if only for a short while, made it a little easier to deal with, at least for now.

"You know I always find a way," he answered, not addressing the one time that he didn't. It didn't matter because Bones found a way for him, and that worked just as well. He was here now, and that's what mattered. A hand settled on Bones's forearm and he smiled up at the doctor, though his eyes narrowed a little and his lips quirked into a faint smirk as he noticed something. "Are you blushing?"

Jim hadn't even given much thought on who to bring along with them for the rescue mission. What mattered was that they needed someone willing to help, and he'd take just about anyone over the weird crew of the Eluvio— even a kid with no experience in space travel or planet missions of this kind.

Granted, he knows it's not ideal to have to constantly make sure a team member isn't going to screw up the whole thing by accident, but this is fairly straightforward. Get down to the planet, get some aliens into the shuttle, and get out of there. Provided those aliens cooperate. But considering the state of the planet, he figures that won't be all that hard.

"Long enough," he says before Bones gets a chance to delve in far too graphic details. Kid doesn't need to get the whole speech about how space is death and disease wrapped up in darkness and silence or whatever. "It'll be fine," he turns away from the console to offer Jughead a reassuring smile. "We'll know if it gets too dangerous and rush back to the shuttle, but it probably won't get to that. Bones is just being overly cautious, is all."

He ends that as he stares pointedly at Bones. You better agree with him and not make things worse.

“Political? I would never.” He smirked at that, and paused at that threat. “And I know you won’t, because I also know you will be in a helluva lot of pain if you deny me the ability to treat you. Besides, I can find more painful ways. I hear there may actually be some of those archaic needles and vials around here I can resort to if I must.” He knew he was bein’ down right incorrigible. But the, Jim was incorrigible by nature so, fair was fair.

“So go ahead, darlin’, not skin off my teeth when come back lookin’ like a worse for wear punchin’ bag that’s gone a few thousand rounds.” The doctor all but drawled those words out, making sure they were just low enough and lilted just right in the exact places he wanted. Because maybe he liked teasing his captain. It certainly played a part as a highlight in his day. And who cares if he rolled the endearment off just a little more thickly than he normally did.

Humming a soft sound at Jim’s words, that one brow rose as he marked that one time as well. And maybe not in nearly as positive a light, but he appreciated those words. Enough that his head tipped down a little to just, hang on to ‘em a little longer. He trusted Jim with his life, he could trust him with this, too.

Then as per usual, the ass had to go and ruin it by giving him that look and making that accusation. God damn it! If it didn’t make it worse to boot. Taking an instant step backward, he scowled at the blonde and went to instant denial. “Shut up. I am not. Don’t be an ass.”

Leonard's hands hover for a moment over the controls as the reality sets in. This guy doesn't know what's going on, or rather, hasn't done this kind of thing before. His jaw tightens in a fine line as he turned his head to look at Jim. And he knows damn well that Jim get's that expression of 'Damn it, Jim' the instant he gives it to him. It felt a little like that day he asked Chekov how old he was only to pretty much blame Jim for his being only seventeen.

Not that it was actually Jim's fault. But in his mind, Jim was in command, he should have warned him about this earlier. Not that it was fair. The doctor was just damn paranoid and hated draggin' people into this shit that had no business being there.

Finally looking back at the other guy, he paused and sighed. He wanted to go off about the importance of radiation protocol, but he got that look from Jim and he let it go for once. "Just don't go slow, got it, kid? And not that we got to do that whole introduction thing, but the name's McCoy. Dr. McCoy. Got a name you want to be called by?"

Hell. Maybe if he tried to not focus on the lack of knowledge, he could just... get this done and over with. Hopefully.

Jim winced visibly, frowning as he shook his head. "Oh, God no. Okay, fine. You can keep your damn hypospray. Just no needles, that stuff creeps me out." He'd seen more than enough of them when he first got here, and he was definitely not keen on living through that particular experience, thank you very much.

The drawl on Bones's voice was met only with a flat stare and a slightly raised eyebrow, though Jim couldn't hide the amusement. The metaphors got a little tiring and overmuch at times, but he'd be lying if he said that the way Bones talked hadn't grown on him over the years.

As had the way the doctor scowled and frowned for a myriad of reasons, and right now, Jim was even more pleased and amused when that was the reaction he got. Eyes glinting in slight mischief, his gaze didn't move from the doctor's face. "You are!" No use lying about it when he was blushing even harder now. Leaning forward a little, he settled a hand on his own chest. "God, Bones. You better check my heart too, just in case, because you're wrecking it."

Said in a lilting tone, his lips curved into a lopsided smirk. Nope, he was never going to let that one go.

"Call me Jughead! But for the purposes of this exercise I'll also respond to hey you or basically any other word yelled loudly in my direction."

The reassurances are, Jughead's pretty sure, mostly hollow. But it's reassuring that they're trying to be reassuring, and Jughead shifts slightly in his seat before looking back up at the two men steering the shuttle. Ship. Thing.

"Nice to meet you, gotta ask-- are you a medical doctor or is Bones an ironic nickname?" He shrugs, pointedly avoiding looking out that front window. He'll deal with reality in a few minutes when they land, and not a second before. "No judgment either way! All doctors are great."

Just, you know. Some are greater than others in situations like this.

"Thought so." Grinning with very little mercy involved he slid the strap of his kit over his shoulder now that he wasn't crowding into Jim's personal bubble. In fact, he was pretty satisfied with himself that he ignored that look Jim gave him after that particular simile.

Well, until Jim decided to move to that look of mischief that made him arch a brow in expectation. He generally knew he was going to pay for it when Jim got that look. Leonard's expression went slightly wary as Jim declared his lie. And god help him, but he looked around the medical area to make sure no one else was listening.

And then Jim said that.

His back went really straight and god damn it if he didn't get redder at those words. "Damn it, Jim!" He hissed under his breath as he pushed the blonde away from him and started to turn and walk away. And really, it wasn't for any other reason that to hide his now red face, the asshole.

"Swear that you're out to give ME heart problems."

Bones's reaction was everything he could hope for, and then some. Jim let out a soft laugh, tipping his head back a little even as Bones turned and took a few steps away from him, no doubt trying to keep that even more flustered face from Jim's line of sight. Oh, the doctor really was a delight to tease.

"Oh, come on, Bones! I'm just teasing you!" He hopped down from the medical table a little too quickly, feeling his head spin for a moment at the dizziness. He huffed slightly as he regained his focus and balance, then he stepped closer to Bones. He'd mentioned fixing up the rest of the bruises and getting some sleep, so Jim figured they'd head back to the Enterprise now.

He slung his arm over Bones's shoulders once he caught up to him, his steps slow but sure and steady, not the least bit slurred. "You're not gonna stay mad at me, are you?" He didn't even wait for the answer, mostly because it didn't matter. He just wouldn't let Bones stay mad. "For what it's worth, looks cute on you. And I do mean that."

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( closed ) sometimes your best isn't good enough

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