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WHO: Reim and Zelos, incapable morons
WHERE: Oros
WHEN: well i guess it's feb 3 but we're here now
WHAT: the Gamma mission with a cave to yell at
WARNINGS: hair care is at an all time low

[There's something to be said for wanting to go see alien planets and do research despite having zero self-preservation skills. It's probably not a very nice thing, necessarily, but if given the chance there's no way Reim is going to sit in the ship and wait for other people to come back and share their experiences on the ground. So, since the chance has been given... here he is. On an alien planet. It should be the most exciting thing to ever happen to him in his life. He's been saying as much for several days, since they managed to get this assignment. He's been unbearable in his enthusiasm, but mercifully he's subjected most of it to Zelos, considering they're doing it together.

But it turns out that alien planets are just kind of hot and unpleasant, and the uniform is too tight under his jacket, and his company hasn't stopped complaining about the damage being done to his skin and hair since they touched ground. Alien planets, as it so happens, are much more riveting when left to the imagination.

He'll try to be impressed, anyway, while he treks around in a miserable desert climate following a dull beeping device. There's sand on his glasses. There has been sand on his glasses for six hours. He no longer sees the point of trying to clean them. Hell is empty, and the alien devils are here.

Now, where is his whiny companion.] I've heard that excessive complaints cause hair loss.

[great conversation, best friends]

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[Reim shrugs, opening his mouth to speak again, maybe argue that Zelos doesn't know what it is either so why should he know any better—but now he actually hears the... skittering, or whatever it is. His hand goes to Zelos' arm again in his nerves, but he isn't forcing them to stop and turn back yet.]

I don't mean to alarm you, but I hear something now... Let's hurry. Er, I think I have... [The space shovel, or whatever they were given. He'll fish it out of his space backpack and then hand it over to Zelos, because, obviously. Obviously Zelos is going to do the manual labor.]

Great.

[Normally, Zelos would stop to complain about being made to do manual labor. Right now, though, he's aware that Reim seems unfit for it and there are weird noises and he'd like to get out of this cave with him alive. Taking the shovel in a firm hand, he heads over to a spot behind some rocks, sticking it into the ground and digging it in further with his boot.]

I'm gonna have to make it dark to dig this. [Since he can't light anything on fire, really, other than his hand.] Stay over here by me and tell me if you can see anything moving.

[This seems the best way of doing things... He gives Reim a few seconds to come closer, and then with a warning nod, the fire blinks away and Zelos starts digging. The skittering gets worse only shortly after. If there were light, they might look like slugs with legs, whiskers and unnaturally sharp teeth, scrambling over rocks and dirt to get closer to the two people causing a commotion in their home.]

[Stand around in the dark, listening to spooky noises?? That's a great idea, there's absolutely nothing terrifying about alien planets now. Or: Reim sticks as close to Zelos as he can without physically holding onto him and preventing him from digging (very considerate), looking around in the dark at what he thinks are the various sources of the spooky noises.

Ah...] Zelos, [and now he's whispering, as if whatever is in here doesn't know they're in here too. Help.] The only thing I can see is a large spot the size and shape of your—your light thing.

[Normal people can't see in the dark?? Especially after staring at a light source? Zelos!!]

You know what I mean! Don't be such a—

[Does he know what he means? Zelos doesn't even know what he means, he's just in a situation he doesn't like at all, trying to make do. But after he's dug a few scoops of dirt up and out of the way, something seems to chomp onto his foot. He yelps out an 'ow', dropping the shovel and stumbling backwards into Reim a bit. Thankfully not enough to knock him over...

It takes a few more seconds for fire to light the cave again, revealing the uncomfortable amount of alien rats trying to get a bite out of Zelos, the noisier one. He throws the fire at them.]

What the hell?! [He is failing at everything here, this is the clumsiest mission!!]

[Oh my god, what's happening, are they dying?? Is this death??? Reim wonders this very seriously in the seconds before Zelos lights the fire again, and since there are a ton of gross alien rats there, he's pretty sure they are indeed dying horribly.]

Are you burning them?! [Is that even working??] Use the shovel!

[Look, it seems like the safer idea. What if they're incredible flammable??]

I don't need the damn shovel!

[The fire is working, for the record, but it doesn't seem to be their weakness. Damn. The shovel is still on the ground, but Zelos backs up and seems to pull something out of a disguised holder. Oh, his sword.]

Just stay back! [Or he might miss and hurt him, which he really doesn't want to do, despite all complaining. Thankfully, his eyesight seems to be working better than he thinks it should be in this dark little cave, and he is slaughtering all of them. Apparently, they make very guttural noises when slashed. When he's down to only a handful remaining, they skitter off into hiding again, not wanting to deal with Zelos in such small numbers.

Zelos quickly lights a fire with his free hand, glancing back to Reim. There are alien rat corpses everywhere.]

I think that's the last of 'em. [Sheathing his sword, he bends down to pick up the shovel, staring down at the hole. Ugh, maybe he should shovel one handed, this time, to keep the light on. Or—] Hey, you've still got that thing on your wrist, right? Turn it on.

[Oh, a sword, that's very normal. Reim honestly thinks this, so he's dutifully shuffling back and trying to keep away from any rat things that are losing interest in the one murdering them and trying to approach him instead. There are a few embarrassing yelping noises, and he definitely tries to nudge one away with his foot and winds up just kicking it back toward the rest, but look—no one got alien rabies today.

But don't make him look at the corpse things, ew. He looks grimly at Zelos for a second before fiddling with his wrist device, to turn it on instead of looking at rat corpses. This mission isn't fun anymore.

The real question is why didn't they think of this sooner? They are morons.] Do you suppose we're almost through...?

[Reim is excused and Zelos only knows magitechnology. Who would think of a wrist flashlight? Well, he puts the fire out now, gesturing for Reim to keep his hand closeby while he begins to dig again.]

Man, I hope so. I'm beat. [He's trying to act like he didn't just mutilate a bunch of rat aliens without a problem. He's sooo tired, see??] We don't have to go too crazy. Let's just stick it in the ground, cover it, and get outta here. We're in a cave, so that should be good enough, right?

Yes... I think that will be fine. [It will be fine in that they're going to do whatever gets them out of here the fastest, which is throwing this thing in a hole and running. Let's go, dig while he hovers around with his arm held out for light.]

We won't make it all the way back tonight, but let's put considerable distance between us and this cave before we set up a camp. [Obviously, but. He feels better if he says it.]

No kidding...

[That's in agreement with Reim rather than sassing at him, this time. He sighs, digging faster. Thanks to his muscular anime arms, he's able to make a sizable hole before they run into the problem of Reim's wrist communicator turning itself off, and then he gestures for Reim to set it in the hole. He'll bury it shortly after with the dirt and rocks he's scooped aside, patting it flat with the shovel until it looks inconspicuous enough.]

Alright, that's good enough. Let's scram. [Is Reim even going to be able to pull and climb his way out of here? This is what Zelos is wondering as he grabs his wrist and moves forward with him, this time using his own wrist to light the way.]

[Finally, the best part: getting the hell out of there. Reim probably can't climb out all by himself but he'll do his best, like he's doing his best now to keep up with Zelos as he's tugged along, trying not to look back and pretending every scrape he hears isn't a mutant rat coming after them. Aaaa....]

Perhaps we should label this spot on the map "dreadful rat cave." I think that's a fitting name, don't you?

[Now that they're further away from the danger, and Zelos is busy hopping up far too easily and reaching down to take Reim's hand and pull him up with him, he can laugh at that.]

I can't disagree with that! You really didn't like those things, huh? One bit my foot, too. Talk about gross. [He still doesn't have alien rat rabies, thankfully, but that happened. He'll keep wordlessly helping Reim up and out like this, come on, tall man...]

[He's doing his best, okay!! But he's too tall to climb out of a cave on these sandy pseudo-steps, so bear with him occasionally slipping and saying innocent things like "oh no" instead of swearing as he stumbles. Thanks for holding onto him, Zelos. You're a true friend.]

Are you alright...? Do we have a first aid kit? [how woefully under-prepared ARE they, the real question here. But he'll at least get half-dragged out of the cave first before he starts really fretting over Zelos.]

Huh? Oh, don't worry about that. I can heal any wounds and bruises we have right up! Did you scrape anything?

[He's very patient with Reim's little slip ups, here. It doesn't seem the right timing for teasing, anyway, and he wants to get as far away from that thing as possible. At some point, they can sit in the shade of a mountain, far from that cursed cave and finishing their map.]

No, I don't think so... You can do that, too?

[New idea: Zelos tells him about cool magic, and he gets out of the cave and they flee from rats. The first step is Reim very obviously peering at Zelos to make sure he's not too injured. Just in case.]

Yep!

[Looking proud of himself (and only a little scuffed up), Zelos places a hand on his hip and smirks once they're out of that dumb cave.] I'm a magic swordsman. It's okay, you can be impressed. ♥

[Snickering, he helps himself to reaching out and grabbing Reim's hands, turning them over to check them out. This guy doesn't seem like the manual labor type at all, so his hands are probably gentle too, right? If anything's hurt on him, it's probably there.]

[A magic swordsman... Well, he's still impressed, despite the words that come out of Zelos' mouth. His hands are fine if a little red, but he's not scraped up!! He's just a soft man who should be behind a desk and not out and about on a desert planet.

Just wait until he tries to help setting up camp. That will be a fun adventure.]

Well, I think you did admirably back there, for what it's worth.

[What... kind of response is that! Zelos seems caught off guard for a split second before he stares back down at those red hands. In just a short wait, he casts his first aid spell anyway, relieving Reim of that soreness and immediately dropping his hands away as he turns around.]

T-that was nothing! I mean, I'm such a cool, talented guy, after all. Anyway, we should find somewhere to set up camp.

[Don't be so gay about it, Zelos. Reim is distracted anyway by the healing magic - ooooh - and wiggling his own hands as Zelos whirls away to tsun alone.]

Oh—yes! Of course! I've always wanted to try "camping." [That's an omen if there ever was one.] How do we begin?

[...

Well, this is going to be a pain in the ass, he can feel it. He's not going to say it aloud because he's still hiding flattery and Reim's being a little pure about this. But he still gives him a Look.]

Uhhh, well, we set up the tent. It should be in our things. [That's helpful, Zelos, thanks. He sets whatever bag he's likely brought along down to dig through it and get stuff ready. TENT THINGS...] Here, you can just hold what I tell you to hold in place. I don't usually set this stuff up.

[His ye oldeness is going to help him get away with so many things, good to know. He nods, coming over to stand there and hold stuff, as requested. He's very dedicated to holding this stuff well.]

I'm sure that, since you're so talented, this will be easy for you. [Now he's just being a shit.]

Oh, shut up.

[He knows mocking when he hears it! He's still a little embarrassed by it, but he can reach over and smack Reim's leg while he's getting this fancy future-tech tent ready to set up. He'll hand Reim parts and tell him what to hold in place while he hammers things down... Tent things.]

I can't believe we're going to have to walk all the way back. Can't they just teleport us or something? Geez.

[Heh... Heh!! He will shut up, but only because he's winning now. He's got Zelos' number, and it only took one cave adventure.

All that aside though, setting up a tent gets less and less charming by the minute. Reim probably fumbles more than a few parts he's supposed to hold, and causes at least one near-collapse of the entire tent. By the time it's set up enough to hold through a night, he wants to lie down and never stand again.

Or at least not for another eight to ten hours of appropriate rest.]

Tele... [no, fuck it] Nothing can be as arduous as being in that cave, or getting this thing to cooperate.

[He says, from where he has given up and sat down on the ground to give the tent a tired look.]

Haha, aww, come on, don't be like that! This thing's looking great!

[Standing back, Zelos places his hands on his hips to stare at the now-complete tent. It is a sloppy mess.] ...Well, okay, it's a little rough. But whatever! It'll probably work, right? Let's get inside! Come on, come on...

[He's reaching down for Reim to tug him up and urge him inside.]

Is it going to collapse...? I do believe I felt it shake more than once. [Or maybe that was his own nerd hands, unaccustomed to doing such wild physical labor. He likes being lazy on the ground, but if Zelos is going to pull on him, he'll get up to duck inside the tent instead... carefully, since he's sure if they touch it at all it will fall on them.

Camping is not as exciting as he once believed. He sits down again, rather than hunch over in this teeny tent.]

I suppose it looks better from the inside.

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another tent thread,

GFDSJL THIS ISNT A SHAME TENT

isn't it though

I mean it's a lesser shame tent

zelos is shameful

no!!!

yes

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