[Closed]

[yokunaru]

WHO: Yuuri & Viktor
WHERE: Residence Floor
WHEN: Feb. 21
WHAT: Some unpleasant facts are starting to sink in
WARNINGS:Panic attacks, anxiety, mentions of violence


Tension runs through him, has been running through him, since the first body was found a week ago. Though he's led a fairly sheltered life until the anomaly found him, Yuuri isn't exactly a stranger to bad news when reports occasionally filter in through the television, and when so much of media features violence in some shape or form. After Oros, though, something in him had filled with dread, and he'd done what he does best whenever the stress begins to build: withdraw into himself bit by bit. A part of him had known this was all real, even if he'd managed to disengage himself from the situation emotionally. The loss of fellow shipmates, the distress on the faces of those who found them--those were all real. It was simply easier to ignore it all and keep his calm when it was just words.

It isn't so easy to pretend when the evidence is right in front of him, Yuuri realizes all too belatedly. There's a hand being shown vividly on his communicator's screen. It's detached from the rest of the body it belongs to and there's blood on the stump. Fumbling in his urgency, Yuuri only just manages to turn off the device, cutting Jason's voice off, before the nausea and panic hits him hard all at once. Unlike with the announcements that had come before, Yuuri can't even attempt to think himself out of it this time. He barely makes it to the bathroom in time. Even when he's already emptied whatever had been left in his stomach, Yuuri's left dry heaving over the toilet for some time. It takes even longer for him to regain enough sense to shakily clean up after himself and splash some water on his face.

After that, sitting down on the floor with his legs folded up against his chest is the only thing he can mange to do. As he sits there, shivering and miserable, Yuuri loses track of the time.

Comments

[genice]

Viktor arrives with Makkachin trotting at his side, both invigorated and at ease after their mutual exercise. Victor has more planned for his day, but that involves dropping Makkachin off and checking in with Yuuri for his plans for the day; neither of them are prone to wandering around without someone with them, or at the very least their dog.

He doesn't know what they can do in the face of these murders. What to do with the knowledge that they're happening after the missing people have been out of contact with everyone for weeks. It's insidious, this kind of deliberate killing. This kind of horrific death.

He doesn't know about the most recent discovery, nor the way it'd been introduced. He steps into their room, resolving to talk with someone about installing manual overrides for their door. Unclipping Makkachin's lead, the dog goes ambling further inside, wagging his tail low as he spies Yuuri first.

Viktor is a beat later, slipping out of his shoes by the door. "Yuuri?" His concern rises, a tide that ebbs and flows more readily in the last week and then some, prompting him into moving toward his lover without hesitation. Makkachin parks himself by his second food human, whining low in his throat and nuzzling under Yuuri's arm, trying to get his head shoved into the impossible space between Yuuri's chest and his folded legs.

Offloading his jacket on their bed as he comes over, he kneels at Yuuri's side, reaching out to lay a hand on the more neutral territory of Yuuri's upper arm. "Yuuri, what's happened?" Is there more Viktor hasn't heard yet? Has he been threatened? Is he getting sick? Is his anxiety flaring? Viktor cuts off his own parade of questions, letting his concern show in his features and focusing in on Yuuri: the man, the miserable man, before him.

Viktor gives his arm a squeeze he hopes is reassuring, moving so that he's sitting at Yuuri's side. The press of side to side is important to him. He hopes it's grounding for Yuuri, but he waits for Yuuri's response before he lifts an arm to slip around his shoulders, encouraging Yuuri to stay close to Viktor's side.

"Do you feel like talking right now?"

[yokunaru]

"Sorry." It's the first thing he says, voice soft and raspy. While Yuuri's normally very quick to accommodate Makkachin's wants, he stays curled up tight and refuses to lift his head up just yet. The refusal is one of the biggest signs that this particular attack has hit him hard.

It takes a few more minutes of silence before Yuuri finally uncurls himself just enough to lean into Viktor's side. He raises a shaky hand for Makkachin to nuzzle at a second later.

Finally, after more time has passed, Yuuri turns his face into Viktor's shoulder with a quiet exhale. "Sorry," he says again, barely audible. "I saw something on the network. How... how long have you been here?"

[genice]

He glances down sidelong at the top of Yuuri's head, staying steady, breathing even. If there is nothing else he can offer, he can offer this. A pleasant, calm voice, the steady beating of his heart, and a warm and physical presence. Makkachin does his best on Yuuri's other side, finally able to shove his head under Yuuri's proffered hand, licking at him a moment after. He moves closer, shoving a paw in Yuuri's lap while sitting at his side.

"Mm, not sure. A little while." He rubs his hand over Yuuri's upper arm, a small gesture of comfort before he's simply holding him as Yuuri permits once more. Yuuri had been someplace where Viktor couldn't chase him down. The waiting, he feels, is sometimes the hardest. "Do you want to talk?"

[yokunaru]

Another minute or so is lost to silence as Yuuri slowly runs his fingers through Makkachin's curly fur, finding comfort in that familiar movement.

Yuuri's wets his lips nervously. The image is still fresh in his memory, and closing his eyes only does so much to ward it off. "They found another body," he says softly, which is an answer to Viktor's question in itself. "Not sure who it is yet."

[genice]

It's explanation enough. The gruesome murders are nothing he's wanted to view; after Zelos and Colette had made their announcement, he'd been hoping it wouldn't be a repeat occurrence. This makes the third announced find. Like the worst parts of sensationalism reporting, only more immediate, with people they knew, or knew of, so often.

He stays where he is, half holding Yuuri, breathing even as his dog does his best to reassure part of his pack by simply being there. "It's horrifying. All the violence, the people lost... it's so immediate." He doesn't know how to say quite what he means, that there's no escaping this, that it's a fear that can and does stalk the halls alongside each of them. Who, or what, was responsible was unknown. But these are people like them. People pulled out of their own places and times, some on the brink of death, others on the brink of the rest of their lives.

He moves to press a chaste kiss to Yuuri's hair. "I'm here." He won't say things will be better. He won't say they'll be safe. He'll hold him, and he'll tell him what he can: he's here. He loves him. And there also is some sort of trophy displaying murderer picking people off every few days or so, and no way to know when or how or if they'll hit again.

[yokunaru]

Rather than being bothered by the simple words, Yuuri hears what Viktor's saying and it's all that he really needs in the end. There's no comfort to be found in empty reassurances when the things happening here are so far out of their control. At least this way, Yuuri knows that he can trust that Viktor's words are meant wholeheartedly rather than sugar coated. When Viktor tells him that he's here for him, he doesn't have reason to doubt him when his mind is clear.

Makkachin, apparently unsatisfied with the little amount of contact, ends up climbing right into Yuuri's lap, pulling a weak smile out of him. Wrapping his arms around the poodle obligingly, Yuuri leans against Viktor even more heavily than before. He's not fine, not yet. But he's getting there.

"It's--there was something else about this announcement," Yuuri admits with a nervous glance at Viktor over his shoulder. Pressed together as they are, Viktor probably feels the shudder that runs through Yuuri just then. "They, um. They showed part of the body."

[genice]

Viktor says something under his breath in Russian, unflattering to anything willing to translate that particular curse. He shifts enough to more fully pull Yuuri against him, wanting to take the reason for that shudder away. He can't. What lives in the mind has to be forgiven by the one whose mind it lives in.

He can't take that image away from Yuuri.

"That's tasteless of them," he remarks instead, bringing his other hand up to stroke over Yuuri's cheek. He still doesn't know how to be reassuring, by and large. He's better now he thinks than before. It's still so much. "You shouldn't have had to see that. Hearing about these things is bad enough without seeing them, when we're not officials trained to handle them."

[yokunaru]

Briefly, he considers telling Viktor exactly what Jason had done with the severed hand, but decides to simply let the chance pass without further comment. He knows it's an image that he won't be able to forget for a long time as it is, and he'd rather not think about it more if he has a choice. There's something that's holding him back, too: Jason's helped him over the month, spending precious time teaching Yuuri how to defend himself when he didn't have to. It leaves him feeling conflicted, uncertain how to reconcile the person who he considers a friend with the person who had laughed while waving the victim's hand in his head. Later--he'll talk to Viktor later, once he's had a chance to sort out his own confusion.

"Karamatsu and his brother weren't trained to handle them either." Yuuri leans into the touch, closing his eyes as he does so. The slight tremble in his voice doesn't fade just yet. "If these killings continue, there's a chance we might stumble on something we don't want to see, too." Simply knowing that it's a possibility fills him with dread.

[genice]

They're all the details he won't press for, believing it's better if Yuuri decides to provide them on his own. To work through them in whichever way helps Yuuri, since he doesn't know if demanding explanations will do anything to address the images caught in Yuuri's mind.

He murmurs assent to Yuuri's observation. Karamatsu and his brother indeed weren't trained to handle this anymore than they were. Or most the people who came through the anomalies appeared to be. He closes his eyes, knowing he has no ability to say this won't happen. Knowing saying he would prefer they be those discovery versus being discovered won't help anything either, for all it's honest. "That's true," is what he says. "Not just for this, but for any of the things we might run into. I don't think we were better prepared for what we might have run into when on Oros. Or for the aftermath."

[yokunaru]

Yuuri sighs, still keeping his eyes shut. He's calmer now, at least. It's an improvement. Part of him still can't help but feel guilty that Viktor has to do this for him so often, coax him back to a better mindset whenever the anxiety hits him hard like this. Maybe Yuuri hadn't exactly been the best at handling it even back home, but he'd coped for the most part. He hasn't been coping quite as well since he arrived on the Eluvio.

"Do you ever feel like..." Yuuri tilts his head back. "We're really in over our heads here?"

[genice]

He sighs through his nose, eyes half closing. Between himself and his dog, he feels like he's at least surrounded Yuuri with the support that he can provide. Including his heart; including his honesty.

In all things.

"Yes." It's a simple word. A more difficult confession. "I do. All the more reason to keep learning how to swim, in a manner of speaking." Coping isn't a matter of having everything figured out all at once. It's an evolution, an ongoing showing that changes as circumstances change. Viktor pulls Yuuri a little more toward him. barely refraining from lifting man and dog into his lap. "We're getting through this. It's easier than it was when we first arrived, isn't it? Learning how to work on a space ship, making connections with people we'd never have known, me learning anything about sales... you've handled things better than most people would, Yuuri. It's fine to feel overwhelmed now and again. You're not the only one."

A quiet, calm confession. Viktor feels that way too, though how he handles it is different. It always will be. They're very different people in some respects. This happens to be one of them.

"Just remember you're not alone, either. We're here to support you, just like you're here to support us. I..." He pauses, then laughs, a soft sort of noise under his breath. "I wouldn't be doing half as well if I didn't have you by my side."

He knows himself. Knows that by now, with what's gone on, he'd have been sliding into a depressive episode, uncertain of how to shake himself out of it. He would have, for Yurio and Otabek. It just wouldn't have been easy; it would have felt hollow at its heart. Yuuri is the one who gives him a warm core to hold onto.