[closed]

[existentialcrisis]

WHO: Koumyou, Ukoku, and Kurama
WHERE: Oros
WHEN: January 11
WHAT: Gamma mission "There's no sense in getting killed by a plant," also probably known as "try smoking it"
WARNINGS: n/a p...robably


[ Kurama probably doesn't deserve this. Ukoku probably doesn't either, but in a different way: he's having a great time right now, hogging the map and abusing their equipment to see if it'll scan things it wasn't meant to scan. Will they make it through this without irreparably destroying something (their reputations, prematurely, perhaps)? It is a mystery. ]

Comments

[herbalsupplements]

"Sorry I killed your live sample" would be a good start.

[It's taking more of Kurama's willpower than he cares to admit to stand back while Ukoku butchers Fluffy (which Kurama hasn't actually been able to think of a scarier name for than "cat dick"). He knows he can put it on life support if necessary, repair whatever damage to make it a whole and viable plant, but he shouldn't have to.

A bit of tough, rigid scale flies away from the stalk and toward Kurama's face; he snatches it out of the air and tries really really hard not to sigh.]

[existentialcrisis]

[ Is he? Is he sorry? He's working a little more carefully—almost too carefully, like he's joking—now that his work's being scrutinized, at least. ]

That's not bad. It sounds good without context.—These seeds are really stuck in here. [ Excuse him while he jabs at this poor plant's soft insides. Anyway, ] Maybe you should be the puzzle editor!

[herbalsupplements]

[No one ever said he had to actually be sorry, now did they? Kurama tucks the bit of stalk away in his hair while Ukoku continues his plant mutilation.]

I'd only get fired for triple-encrypting the word jumbles. May I? [He gestures at Ukoku's stabby little seed extractor, which he is reasonably certain the documentation said not to use like that.]

[existentialcrisis]

Really? I wonder if that'd be a problem.

[ He hands the extractor over and makes himself comfortable. He's not quite in Kurama's personal space, but he's close enough to idly try to peel another scale off the outer skin of the plant while he's sitting there. ]

Do you triple-encrypt things at the job they gave you?

[herbalsupplements]

I breed and modify cheese molds at the job they gave me, so the encryption is automated.

[As he speaks, he lines the pointy end of the extractor up with another seed and pushes a button; the little notches on either side split the mouth of the extractor into segments that slip into the thin casing around the seed and pull it in with almost no effort. So easy an amateur could do it, if said amateur actually cared to try.]

What about more number puzzles? [He's just going to ignore Ukoku's picking for the moment--it can't hurt the plant much more than he already has, and it might keep him busy for a few precious moments.]

[existentialcrisis]

No no, wait, I want hear more about cheese molds. [ Nothing about this appears to be sarcasm, but instead of actually asking about cheese molds, he's just going to immediately be rude and pry: ]

It doesn't seem like the kind of work someone your age would have fun with. Do you like it?

[herbalsupplements]

It can get tedious, but modifying the molds at the most fundamental level to suit my purposes--in this case to properly recreate the aging process of certain Earth cheeses, as well as to prepare new cheeses from different resources as we continue through space--is uniquely satisfying.

[He really likes playing god with plants and fungi, okay? And collecting seeds apparently, he's already got several more in the seed extractor just while he was talking.]

One of the molds we have in the early stages of development is intended to turn cheese naturally purple.

[existentialcrisis]

Really? Is that so you can trick people into thinking it's something else?

[ This might be a "what's the purpose of purple cheese" question, but it, too, sounds pretty straightforward.

He was just picking at his plant-scale-thing harmlessly, but now he's leaning back against the plant itself. He's probably just being thoughtless. A high priest would never resolve to engage in a campaign of being increasingly useless until he's scolded. ]

[herbalsupplements]

No, it's just to see if we can make edible purple cheese. [This is the same company that thinks novelty flavored mushrooms are a profitable idea, so it's not that big a leap.

Even Kurama's patience is getting a little frayed by this point, though, so when Ukoku just kicks back like there's nothing else to do, Kurama decides to offer up a helpful suggestion.]

If you want to be helpful, you can taste test one of the pieces you've already removed to see if it's as refreshing as our information suggests.