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WHO: Reim and Zelos, incapable morons
WHERE: Oros
WHEN: well i guess it's feb 3 but we're here now
WHAT: the Gamma mission with a cave to yell at
WARNINGS: hair care is at an all time low

[There's something to be said for wanting to go see alien planets and do research despite having zero self-preservation skills. It's probably not a very nice thing, necessarily, but if given the chance there's no way Reim is going to sit in the ship and wait for other people to come back and share their experiences on the ground. So, since the chance has been given... here he is. On an alien planet. It should be the most exciting thing to ever happen to him in his life. He's been saying as much for several days, since they managed to get this assignment. He's been unbearable in his enthusiasm, but mercifully he's subjected most of it to Zelos, considering they're doing it together.

But it turns out that alien planets are just kind of hot and unpleasant, and the uniform is too tight under his jacket, and his company hasn't stopped complaining about the damage being done to his skin and hair since they touched ground. Alien planets, as it so happens, are much more riveting when left to the imagination.

He'll try to be impressed, anyway, while he treks around in a miserable desert climate following a dull beeping device. There's sand on his glasses. There has been sand on his glasses for six hours. He no longer sees the point of trying to clean them. Hell is empty, and the alien devils are here.

Now, where is his whiny companion.] I've heard that excessive complaints cause hair loss.

[great conversation, best friends]

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[Reim doesn't mind being the map-filler at all, luckily, so this works out. He puts the weird device into whatever packs they're carrying so he can doodle on the map and keep walking at the same time, and it's only Zelos toppling to his slapstick demise that makes Reim look up from said map in time to not fall down after him.

Oh. Oh, dear. Once he realizes what's happened he hastily folds the map back up and shuffles over to the space where Zelos fell.]

Zelos? Complain once if you're alright, please! [In the meantime, Reim will try to find some way to get down these slopes without slipping and rolling all the way down himself, hmm...]

Any more to the left and I would have cracked my helmet. Who the hell put a cave here?

[That's loud enough to be heard in echoes up to Reim, so his stupid complaint should satisfy. Zelos pushes himself to sit up, bringing a head to his helmet to try and stabilize the way his head is spinning. He glances up once he hears some of the dirt sliding down, getting the hint that Reim is following him.]

Hey, be careful! It's a long way down, and it's dark down here. Wait a second, let me shine a light up or something...

[Ah, thanks for complaining. Reim would roll his eyes if he weren't relieved that Zelos didn't just suddenly die on him, so instead he calls down a simple thank you before he resumes his perilous trek down through this sand.

This is terrible... Every time he feels like he's going slow enough to stay upright he slips and slides a few feet at once.]

I'm afraid I don't have time to wait, so please, make sure you aren't standing anywhere I'm likely to fall—! [aaaaaaaaa]

Hey—!

[God damn it, can't this guy listen. Zelos has to step out of the way of Reim when he finally slips down to where he is, reaching over to grab for his arm before he slips down the next apparent dip in the cave. It's less steep, but still, he'd rather not see his only travel partner land on a bunch of rocks.]

You okay?

[Whoa, hello Zelos. Reim stumbles the rest of the way, managing to stay upright thanks to being grabbed. His other hand goes to Zelos' arm to steady himself, and it might be dark in here but there's just enough light coming down from above to show his face through his helmet: he's alright. If anything, he's a little too alright, after all that panic adrenaline...]

Isn't this exhilarating...! It's a bit cooler down here than it is on the surface.

[Sure hope nothing tries to eat them, that would put a damper on his renewed enthusiasm for exploring.]

[Zelos looks a little surprised by that reaction.]

You're excited about this? [What a weirdo... He glances down, further into the cave. There are shelves of hardened sand that allow them deeper into the cave before it flattens and presumably goes further. Releasing Reim's arm once he knows he's stable, he moves closer to the edge of the shelf they're on currently.]

I guess this is a pretty good place to bury that thing, right? If we go a little deeper... [Ugh, but he so does not want to do this.] Who knows how much of the ground here is stable. I'm gonna go first, so stay behind me and follow a lot slower, okay?

[Look, they're sort of out of the heat and this is much more interesting than rocks and scary-looking plants. He didn't really get a good look at the ones outside the cave, but they looked just mysterious enough to avoid later.]

I'm perfectly capable of walking, Zelos. [Come on... follow a lot slower?? They've already both fallen over like fools today, they're even, what could go wrong? Reim shuffles over to give him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. This is a perfectly safe cave, maybe.] I'll be right behind you.

Fine, but if you fall and eat it, don't say I didn't warn you.

[He says this as if he wouldn't rush to help him. What a loser, pretending he doesn't care... He's even bothered by how calm Reim is being, rather nervous himself, but hides it and looks down further. Alright... So, he climbs down and carefully along the edges of the wall, dropping down to the next little shelf and checking to see how Reim is following. He figures hopping around wouldn't be safe on unstable ground anyway.

So, he'll continue like this until they finally make it to the flat part of the cave, considerably cooler (but still not cold, unfortunately) than the air on the surface.]

Man, that is sooo dark... Are we really gonna head in there?

[Reim won't panic until they're falling to their inevitable deaths or something tries to attack them, so... since this cave seems empty except for them so far, he's doing alright. And he's newly excited to do their mind-numbingly simple task now that they've found somewhere to bury this beeping device.

He follows Zelos, mimicking the way he follows along the wall because he can't see shit the further they get into this cave. Zelos' eyesight is surprisingly impressive...

Mercifully, he does not bump into Zelos when they get to the flat part, but he does peer over his shoulder at. The darkness. Hmm.]

Would you rather climb all the way back up with nothing to show for it? We ought to at least, er... [lamely:] look around.

Oh sure, you'd say that. You know, pretty boys always die first.

[He is at RISK. But alright, he'll stop being a baby and sigh, bringing up one of his palms.] But we'd better have some light. I'm going to use some magic that's kind of like fire, but it won't react with the environment.

[You know, just in case Reim might worry about explosions.] Uh, but we should probably stick close even still, just in case. [He can hear things moving, he swears.]

Don't complain. [What a whiner... But okay, wait, Zelos is magical?? That gets Reim's attention away from staring into the dark, at least. Reim shuffles closer to him again, mostly to see this magic fire thing, but he puts a hand on Zelos' shoulder again.

Don't freak out on him now, pretty boy. Focus on light.] As if there's anywhere else to go...

[He is fine, he is just concerned for their safety!! But alright. He focuses for a moment, and then a small fireball appears in his hand. It has enough of a glow to light a sphere around them, so that will have to do for now. Zelos seems pleased. He was wondering if his mana would work properly here, but it seems to be just fine!]

Alright, let's go. I hope this cave is straightforward... Let me know if you want to stop. [Since they were about to set up camp soon...]

[!!! Whoa!!!] Oh—oh, yes! Of course!

[Already he's distracted by little fireballs... This is fine. He doesn't know anything about caves but he assumes that nothing about little fireballs will be a problem for it or them, so he's completely confident in their ability to not die during this. Off they go, into the mostly darkness.]

If this device weren't beeping so much, I'd suggest we simply stay here until the morning. [Well, and he's pretty sure he just saw a mysterious shadow he didn't want to see at the edge of their little blob of light, but he's trying hard to be the calm and collected one right now, so never mind...]

[Zelos looks a little amused at Reim's distracted reaction after him showing the fireball. He wonders what he knows about magic. He's completely human, from the looks of it, so there's no way he could know any, right?

Well, for now, they can walk just like this.] It'd be nice to sleep in some cover from that sun... But I don't know if I trust this thing they're having us bury. What do you think it is?

[But he stops, suddenly, before Reim can even answer that, squinting ahead in the darkness.] Hey, did you hear that? [It's probably only Zelos who can hear the faint scuttering footsteps from ahead, though.]

Well, if— [Or not, or Zelos could interrupt him with another question. Reim comes to an abrupt halt right behind him, his hand going to Zelos' shoulder again. He doesn't hear a thing, but any minute now he'll start thinking he can—which is just great, really.

He has the sense to lower his voice to a whisper,] Zelos, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.

I must just be hearing things again.

[He mumbles that, rubbing at his head with his free hand before he nods for Reim to keep walking with him. Up further ahead, there are far too many creatures scrambling around, but for now, they stay out of the light.] Anyway, uh... What were you saying? You got an idea of what this thing is?

Oh—no, not at all. I could take a guess, but I don't think that would help us.

[He's a Victorian, remember. He can't help with technology.] It beeps? Perhaps so it can be found easily...?

[Ha ha... let's bury it and get the heck out of here.]

You really think we're gonna bury this thing so someone else can find it?

[He thinks Reim is just saying things to avoid what it Probably Is here, but. Alright. They were told to find the most remote location, so they have to go a little deeper into this cave, probably.]

Let's get just a little bit further and we should be good.

[Unless like, space rats appear, but Zelos was probably just hearing things. Probably. And so the far more noticeable noise of things moving over rock and dirt up ahead is probably nothing...]

[Reim shrugs, opening his mouth to speak again, maybe argue that Zelos doesn't know what it is either so why should he know any better—but now he actually hears the... skittering, or whatever it is. His hand goes to Zelos' arm again in his nerves, but he isn't forcing them to stop and turn back yet.]

I don't mean to alarm you, but I hear something now... Let's hurry. Er, I think I have... [The space shovel, or whatever they were given. He'll fish it out of his space backpack and then hand it over to Zelos, because, obviously. Obviously Zelos is going to do the manual labor.]

Great.

[Normally, Zelos would stop to complain about being made to do manual labor. Right now, though, he's aware that Reim seems unfit for it and there are weird noises and he'd like to get out of this cave with him alive. Taking the shovel in a firm hand, he heads over to a spot behind some rocks, sticking it into the ground and digging it in further with his boot.]

I'm gonna have to make it dark to dig this. [Since he can't light anything on fire, really, other than his hand.] Stay over here by me and tell me if you can see anything moving.

[This seems the best way of doing things... He gives Reim a few seconds to come closer, and then with a warning nod, the fire blinks away and Zelos starts digging. The skittering gets worse only shortly after. If there were light, they might look like slugs with legs, whiskers and unnaturally sharp teeth, scrambling over rocks and dirt to get closer to the two people causing a commotion in their home.]

[Stand around in the dark, listening to spooky noises?? That's a great idea, there's absolutely nothing terrifying about alien planets now. Or: Reim sticks as close to Zelos as he can without physically holding onto him and preventing him from digging (very considerate), looking around in the dark at what he thinks are the various sources of the spooky noises.

Ah...] Zelos, [and now he's whispering, as if whatever is in here doesn't know they're in here too. Help.] The only thing I can see is a large spot the size and shape of your—your light thing.

[Normal people can't see in the dark?? Especially after staring at a light source? Zelos!!]

You know what I mean! Don't be such a—

[Does he know what he means? Zelos doesn't even know what he means, he's just in a situation he doesn't like at all, trying to make do. But after he's dug a few scoops of dirt up and out of the way, something seems to chomp onto his foot. He yelps out an 'ow', dropping the shovel and stumbling backwards into Reim a bit. Thankfully not enough to knock him over...

It takes a few more seconds for fire to light the cave again, revealing the uncomfortable amount of alien rats trying to get a bite out of Zelos, the noisier one. He throws the fire at them.]

What the hell?! [He is failing at everything here, this is the clumsiest mission!!]

[Oh my god, what's happening, are they dying?? Is this death??? Reim wonders this very seriously in the seconds before Zelos lights the fire again, and since there are a ton of gross alien rats there, he's pretty sure they are indeed dying horribly.]

Are you burning them?! [Is that even working??] Use the shovel!

[Look, it seems like the safer idea. What if they're incredible flammable??]

I don't need the damn shovel!

[The fire is working, for the record, but it doesn't seem to be their weakness. Damn. The shovel is still on the ground, but Zelos backs up and seems to pull something out of a disguised holder. Oh, his sword.]

Just stay back! [Or he might miss and hurt him, which he really doesn't want to do, despite all complaining. Thankfully, his eyesight seems to be working better than he thinks it should be in this dark little cave, and he is slaughtering all of them. Apparently, they make very guttural noises when slashed. When he's down to only a handful remaining, they skitter off into hiding again, not wanting to deal with Zelos in such small numbers.

Zelos quickly lights a fire with his free hand, glancing back to Reim. There are alien rat corpses everywhere.]

I think that's the last of 'em. [Sheathing his sword, he bends down to pick up the shovel, staring down at the hole. Ugh, maybe he should shovel one handed, this time, to keep the light on. Or—] Hey, you've still got that thing on your wrist, right? Turn it on.

[Oh, a sword, that's very normal. Reim honestly thinks this, so he's dutifully shuffling back and trying to keep away from any rat things that are losing interest in the one murdering them and trying to approach him instead. There are a few embarrassing yelping noises, and he definitely tries to nudge one away with his foot and winds up just kicking it back toward the rest, but look—no one got alien rabies today.

But don't make him look at the corpse things, ew. He looks grimly at Zelos for a second before fiddling with his wrist device, to turn it on instead of looking at rat corpses. This mission isn't fun anymore.

The real question is why didn't they think of this sooner? They are morons.] Do you suppose we're almost through...?

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